1. You must not break any of the 10 Commandments, ever.
2. You must not break any of the other commandments in the Old Testament, ever.
3. You must tithe exactly a tenth of your gross income.
4. You must pray at least three hours a day and read the Bible from cover to cover three times per month.
5. You must always agree with what the preacher says.
6. You are only allowed three excused absences from church per year. Permission slips are available in the pastor's office.
7. You must have few personal problems. If you have personal problems, pretend that you don't during the church service on Sunday mornings